Perhaps no MTV reality show has ever been as delightfully dramatic nor as transparently scripted as The Hills, except maybe the horrific dating show Next, which by now we've all agreed to forget ever happened. In light of the show's tenth anniversary — the pilot premiered on May 31st, 2006! — its stars have finally admitted that much of the "drama," especially concerning their relationships, was the result of producer magic. The worst of these revelations? The love between Audrina and Justin Bobby, the show's Ross and Rachel, was actually a BIG LIE.
Even a decade later, it's impossible not to feel betrayed by the love stories we once cheered on and/or mocked. But one thing the stars of The Hills can never take away from us? The exquisitely 2000s outfits of Season 1, Episode 1. Here, we take a look at each and every denim capri pant, "going-out top," and candy pink lip gloss that graced those 30 minutes, in chronological order.
Lauren's "Wheeee, I'm moving to LA!" look
Never forget the days when long camisoles weren't tucked away into jeans, but instead placed precisely over our uteri. This was somehow supposed to make your stomach look flatter, I guess? Also, capri pants!
The Opening Credits
About as soon as Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" begins to play, we get a peek at one of the most mid-aughts accessories of them all: the way-too-wide plastic headband. Excellent.
Sure, you can see her bra directly through her shirt while she's clearly in some kind of workplace, but more than that, can you believe Audrina was credited second?! Like, before Heidi?!
Whitney's before Heidi too, what?!
FINALLY. Here, Heidi Montag gives us a tiny peek at just one of her many, many going-out tops.
Heidi and Lauren's Hollywood condo
Heidi's totally casual, not-at-all-staged pool hang look involves shades that, while seemingly dated, were actually just a preview of the VR headsets to come in the following decade.
Swimsuit tops: ideal for pairing with frayed denim miniskirts.
In the episode's first definitely real plot twist, LC gets a call that her Teen Vogue interview isn't at 5 p.m. like she thought, but instead in 20 minutes! Oh no! With no time to spare, she irons her dress with a straightener. Candidate qualifications: resourceful.
The Teen Vogue offices
Does this anonymous Teen Vogue staffer have a statement necklace? Oh, you bet. Silky blouse? Check.
Teen Vogue's West Coast editor Lisa Love interviews LC, and it's basically The Devil Wears Prada, but for teens!
I was unable to watch this part of the show because it caused me to relive every terrible internship interview I've ever had. But I'm sure LC did great, despite the frontal hair pouf and larger-than-necessary amount of eyeliner.
Back at the condo
The first time we're introduced to Audrina, she's applying tanning oil. Feels fitting.
Here is the very first Hills instance in which the whole gang goes out to dinner and doesn't actually eat anything. This time, they're talking about how weird it is that some people have full-time jobs (reminder: the cast of The Hills are people who do not need jobs), which actually sounds really fun for someone who doesn't have a job.
Who's Brian, Jordan's roommate? Who's Jordan? Who cares! Lauren's putting on lip gloss at the dinner table where no one is eating.
Fashion school campus
Lauren meets with her advisor wearing a scarf-style headband. You are lying if you say you did not wear one of these in 2006. Her meeting went well.
Meanwhile, Heidi's did not. I take back everything I said about Lauren's Teen Vogue interview. This interaction between Heidi and her college advisor is the worst thing I have ever witnessed.
Casual Couch Hang Looks
Lauren accepts her Teen Vogue internship offer, yay! Heidi doesn't look like she's being supportive, but she is, because now she can get into fancy parties.
Back at Teen Vogue
It's Belt! I mean Whitney! My goodness, that belt is a lot.
Lauren went with khaki flares and a pastel military-style blazer.
Whoa, do you guys remember vests being a thing in 2006? I do not.
The Teen Vogue Young Hollywood Party
This just in: Nicole Richie has not aged in ten years.
Oh, you bet Paris Hilton was there too, wearing every single necklace in her closet and baby pigtails.
LC'S BUN. LC'S BUN!!!!
Is it just me, or did the producers always dress up Whitney as "the angelic one?"
What do you wear when you're showing up to a party uninvited, for the sole purpose of ruining your friend's career? THIS.
There has never been a more stressful moment in reality TV history than when Heidi, Audrina, and their man friends SAT DOWN ON THE VIP COUCHES THAT LC HAD SWORN TO PROTECT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID I WANNA FORGIVE YOU AND I WANNA FORGET YOU ETC. ETC.
After Lauren inevitably gets in big trouble for letting Heidi et. al. sit in the fancy celebrity section, she's left alone, save for an anonymous lifeguard and her bun. As the camera pans out, it's assumed she weeps one theatrical mascara tear. Thus, The Hills was born.