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Everyone knows what James Bond keeps in his closet: 100 versions of the exact same perfectly-tailored black tux, plus a white one to wear in fancy casinos. A grim-colored coat for everyday. Dark sunglasses in the frames du jour. Shorts — but only for making out with French models on a beach, never as streetwear. A turtleneck sweater, for extreme cold. Linen trousers, for extreme heat. Silk undies, probably.
But with whispers that Daniel Craig is retiring from the job, audiences are pushing for a change of pace, perhaps in the form of a black James Bond (Idris Elba, anyone?) or even a Jane Bond (though, ahem, "James" totally works as a girl's name, too). And it’s not just fans — both Priyanka Chopra and Emilia Clarke have publicly stated that they’d rather play Bond than a Bond girl. The latter even helpfully cast the world’s very first Bond boy: Leo DiCaprio.
Which begs the question: Who should play a lady James Bond? And perhaps more importantly, what should she wear? Below, we attempt to answer both of these questions.
Thanks to Spy, we now know Rose Byrne could play a Bond villain, but Bond herself? Actually, yeah, on second thought, definitely.
Special skill: Ordering an impressive drink.
Signature style: Unapologetically feminine ruffles and lace. What’s more Bond than unnecessary luxury?
Likelihood of being cast as Bond: 5/10. Likelihood of her being cast as the next Bond villain? 1,000/10.
Yeah, yeah, she knows she’d make a great Bond girl. But on the subject, Chopra tells Complex: "I get that all the time. But fuck that — I wanna be Bond."
Special skill: Any water-related rescue, during which she could use her skills from the Baywatch set.
Signature style: Leather jacket, skinny jeans.
Likelihood of being cast as Bond: 6/10.
Being the Mother of Dragons totally translates into being a super-slick, cocktail-sipping spy, right? Sure! Though she’s probably far too young to play the notoriously silver fox-esque Bond, she tells the Daily Star, "I have a lot of unrealised dreams. I would love to play Jane Bond. My ultimate leading man would be Leonardo DiCaprio. No doubt about it."
Special skill: Looking off into the distance and declaring things like, "I will rule."
Signature style: Pencil skirts and business-y tops.
Likelihood of being cast as Bond: 3/10.
Despite the fact that her performance in Spy was (highly, highly) comedic, there was a sizable part of the movie where she played Susan Cooper, a glamorous, fancy clothes-wearing FBI field agent who can totally pull off blunt bangs.
Special skill: Sexy one-liners.
Signature style: Elegant black evening gowns for nighttime, unexpectedly playful blouses for daytime.
Likelihood of her being cast as Bond: 2/10. The far more likely scenario is that she’ll be cast in more Bond parodies, which honestly is the more enjoyable option for all of us.
The model-slash-DJ-slash-VJ proved her acting chops are up to snuff during her appearance on Orange Is the New Black. Plus, she wins points for having an Australian accent, which American audiences will definitely just assume is British.
Special skill: Flirting with Moneypenny.
Signature style: Edgy-fied (but still very lavish) tuxedos, plus lots of hair pomade.
Likelihood of her being cast as Bond: 1/10. Give it a few decades.
We already know she fits in with the Bond universe, having played a Bond girl who doubled as an NSA agent alongside Pierce Brosnan in 2002’s Die Another Day. Actually, instead of playing Bond, the real treat would be for her character from that film, Jinx, to get her own spinoff.
Special skill: Playing her own Bond girl (with some help from CGI).
Signature style: Latex jumpsuits, à la Catwoman.
Likelihood of her being cast as Bond: 7/10.
A few weeks ago, Anderson retweeted a mock-up of herself in a James Bond movie poster, writing, "It’s Bond. Jane Bond." From then on, audiences were convinced she’d be the perfect actor to follow in Daniel Craig’s footsteps.
Special skill: Handling any alien-related calamities Bond might find herself in.
Signature style: White lapels — just so many white lapels.
Likelihood of her being cast as Bond: 8/10. Although she gets points for being prime Bond age (she was born the same year as Daniel Craig), she loses points for the fact that she doesn't always use her British accent (she was raised in both America and England, and speaks different depending on where she is).
British? Yep. Bond age? You bet. Suave as hell? Is suave the right word? Charismatic, perhaps. Tilda is one of the most likely choices to succeed in the (again, very unlikely) scenario of a female Bond.
Special skill: Calmly driving an Aston Martin during a terrifying car chase.
Signature style: Exactly what she wears in her normal life.
Likelihood of her being cast as Bond: 9/10. Seriously, how has this not already happened?