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Hey waddup, it’s @sexualjumanji AKA Brandon Zaboklicki AKA the kindest boy on Twitter here on Racked to talk about menswear for the first time. I recently became a Fashion God (I own two items of Bape clothing for anyone who doubts this) and now I’ve been asked to give you guys a sneak peek into my thought process behind what’s fire.
Basically, what I’m gonna do here is present some of the best clothing online so you can be looking fresh while simultaneously scaring your parents because of how expensive your life has become.
Golem Extra Large Silk Scarf
Halloween is right around the corner and this year the Grim Reaper decided it’s the season of giving. He made a Grailed account and is selling his own cloak for a modest $120. This item is a must-cop and comes with a 100% Cursed Item Guarantee, folks.
Off-White Varsity Jacket
Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that varsity jackets and sleeve designs are both core pieces for all of my fall and winter looks. I tried to get a loan from the bank to buy this jacket and they put me on hold for nine hours then hung up on me, so I think my chances for approval are good. If you think you’ll have better luck, you can cop from Farfetch for $1,023.
Tom Polo ‘You’re So Good at Looking’ Sweatshirt
This sweatshirt is only to be worn by someone with the charisma to command a room full of people. I can’t tell if this sweatshirt is a compliment to the reader or if it’s just the most powerful shade ever put on a piece of clothing. Someone please give Tom Polo my phone number so I can get this in 3XL. Get yours now for a very reasonable $78 before they inevitably sell out.
Represent Clothing Military Joggers
I love these joggers for multiple reasons. First, joggers are the only sweatpants I respect. Second, they look sick as hell and black goes with anything. Lastly, they have “military” in the name and I’m the ultimate respecter of the troops. I’m going to get a gym membership when I’m done writing this just so I can fit into a size Represent offers. If you’re like me and you enjoy respecting the troops and looking good you can buy these joggers for $131.
Golden Goose Black Denim Superstars Sneakers
Have you ever been like, “Damn I really want a new pair of shoes that look like I’ve been wearing them for, like, two years”? Well good news, folks: Golden Goose is letting an intern wear their new shoes while playing basketball at the park and then they are selling them for the low price of $445. Charging $445 to not worry about messing up your shoes is a cheat code, so thanks, Golden Goose!
That’s all for me. Thanks for reading so I can keep affording my fake lavish lifestyle. Follow me on twitter @sexualjumanji so Racked lets me keep doing this.