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A Letter From Camp Fashion Week

Photo: Getty Images

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Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m having a great time at men’s fashion week. Good thing you let me go through all of great-grandpa’s stuff before coming; it’s really come in handy since everyone here is pretending they live in a Charles Dickens novel. It’s interesting!

I’ve been learning so much here, like suck up to anyone getting their picture taken or holding a clipboard, or else you won’t get invited to any of the good parties. And if you don’t run out after the show, everyone will think you’re a Non-Important and then you really won’t get invited to any of the good parties. It’s kind of like sinking ship rules, but instead of women and children first, it’s men with the best pair of sneakers.

Have I told you about the shows, though? Remember when Zach was six and we gave him the box with all the Halloween costumes? And then he just mixed a bunch of different costumes into an outfit that made no sense but he wore it out on Halloween anyway and people gave him candy all the same? It’s kinda like that.

Except these people don’t have a box of last year’s Halloween costumes, so they use rugs or those old crowns you can get from Burger King. Did you know that as long as you wear something and tell everyone that it’s cool, they have to believe you?

So, yeah, we have all these presentations that we go to and I found out that the really cool kids sit up in the front. Had me stumped. I showed up on the first day, sat way in the back, and started passing notes and blowing spitballs at everyone. That was not a good decision.

And you were wrong about the food. It isn’t bad, but no one eats it anyway. Think they all heard the same rumors as me. But that hasn’t seemed to affect anyone, they still have lots of energy and there’s this song everyone sings. It goes like this:

Fashion Week is soooo crazy
I am just way too busy
Last night is a little hazy
So many emails unread
Oh, fuck, my phone’s dead

Oh, and I know you warned me about fashion week romance, but I saw her and I can already imagine us spending lots of time together. She made her introduction during the Balenciaga show, a sweater printed with the word “Kering.” She just seems really funny and I can’t wait for you and all my friends to meet her. It’s complicated between us, though, I’ll have to wait until August or September for us to truly be together. She’s old-fashioned like that.

Gotta go — there’s a show tonight and apparently we’re all going to be gathered around some fire!