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Today, Vetements presented its fall 2017 collection, and it would appear that it features that guy in Home Depot who just knows he’s going to crush his kid’s treehouse. Is this a thing?
This man is the absolute most confident man to ever walk into a Home Depot. His arms are too busy swaying on his hips to shoo away sale associates, who are too intimidated to even approach him. He didn’t even bring the blueprint for his kid’s treehouse or play set or whatever. It doesn’t matter; he’s got this.
This man has more confidence contained in his shiny bald head than I do in my entire body. This man is wearing boots that are made for walking, and Nancy Sinatra could not be more jealous. (Please do not even mention the words that rhyme with Blessica Pimpson.) I can’t tell if this man’s wearing puffy sleeves or if he’s offering us a free preview to the gun show. Dana Carvey, expert that he is in playing bald-headed heroes, doesn’t have the talent to capture this mythical man’s essence. This man is the reason the former Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World retired.
I see this and immediately think about the Foo Fighters anthem “My Hero.” A song written about ordinary heroes. THAT’S THIS GUY. If I had been sitting front row, I would have cried out in my best Dave Grohl growl There goes my hero, watch him as he goes. The line Grohl got wrong, though: “He’s ordinary.” So, no, this isn’t a thing, because there can only be one of this guy. My Hero.