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Goop Suggests Prada Flashlight for Valentine’s Day Gift

The perfect way to find your Goop vagina egg.

A black Prada flashlight and carrying case. Photo: Prada

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Goop, the wellness and lifestyle brand from my smoothie buddy Gwyneth Paltrow, just dropped its Valentine’s Day shopping guide. It’s full of suggestions for men, women, those flying solo (Solo Yolo is its real title), and couples.

I fully buy into the health and wellness thing: I’m down with the Moon Juice dusts, turn to Gywneth’s cookbooks on the reg, and use the moisturizer from the Goop beauty line pretty much every morning. TL;DR, I’m open to giving most things Goop talks about a swing.

And there are plenty of picks piquing my curiosity — like these silk Fleur du Mal PJs, or these Sheryl Lowe lip earrings — and others that are just plain silly (does GP really think I should buy my man a silver harmonica from Tiffany & Co.?)

But one item I just can’t wrap my head around is this Prada flashlight on the couples list. It costs $260 and comes with its own Saffiano leather zipper pouch. Insert thinking face emoji here. What on earth would I use this flashlight for?

Is this a kinky thing? Is it to help me find something I’ve lost in bed? Is it a metaphor? Does it have to be Prada, or will any flashlight do? Also, how the heck did Goop find this bad boy?

Since I’m left to ponder the correct usage of this GP-endorsed Valentine’s Day Prada flashlight, I’m going to assume this earned a spot on the list because Goop knows you need a flashlight to help you find that egg-shaped vagina crystal Goop told you to insert in your lady parts two weeks ago.

You know, the one I contemplated buying (I didn’t, btw, because I wasn’t allowed to expense it). It came with health claims that doctors weren’t too happy about, and yet they’re totally out of stock, so maybe there are a bunch of women out there who might need help locating them. And probably, maybe, a designer flashlight could do just the trick. Mystery solved?