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2017 Fashion Trends As Told By the Golden Globes Red Carpet

Diamond neckties! Dress grapes! Chokers, but like, again!

Chokers! But like, a second time.
Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

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The Golden Globes are taking place tonight, if you couldn’t hear the faint sound of Giuliana Rancic asking “Who are you wearing?” 95 times in twenty minutes. As one of the first major events of awards show season, it basically doesn’t matter, but thanks to the fact that it’s the first week of 2017, I have also decided that it is the litmus test for what fashion and beauty trends we should expect for the rest of the year. TLD;R: Get ready for the highly viral trend known as Georgia O’Keeffing, and also don’t throw out your chokers.

Diamond Neckties

Photo: Valerie Macon/Getty Images

Neckties, but for ladies, and also made entirely of diamonds. Into it.

Elaborate Prom Updos

Photo: Valerie Macon/Getty Images

Surprise! It will be 1996 again, and everyone will be wearing updos that require you to sit perfectly still in a chair for 12 hours. Which is far superior than the 2016 trend of spending 12 hours trying to achieve no makeup-makeup.

Georgia O’Keeffeing

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

:/

Robots

Photo: Venturelli/Getty Images

To blend in when they take over the world by midsummer.

Dress Grapes

Photo: Venturelli/Getty Images

Tupperware will soon seem tragically 2016, as dresses will have evolved to contain grapes.

Chokers, But Like, In a Totally New, 2017 Way

Photo: Venturelli/Getty Images

Yeah, uh-huh, I know chokers were already a trend in 2016, but see this? This is a totally new kind of choker trend. Get it? 2017 will be so different you guys!!!!

Using Your Clothing As a Way to Subtly Hint That You Would Like This Award, Please

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Hello, yes, it is I, Natalie Portman dressed normally, whom you may know from the recent film Jackie, in which I play Jackie, whom I am not at all channeling with this dress and hair.