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The Scariest Halloween Costumes of 2017

We’ll understand if you can’t make it through this whole list.

A model wearing a shirt that reads “To: You, From: Your Boss, Subject: Checking In” Photo: Alanna Okun/Zazzle

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Halloween is almost here! Traditionally it is a holiday associated with ghost stories, spooky décor, and scary dress-up. But some long-established costumes, like “witch,” “zombie,” or “clown,” are now far less terrifying than our current day-to-day reality. Therefore, here are some highly specific Halloween costume ideas that are a million times scarier than any of those things.

  1. Vague Google Calendar Invite From Boss Entitled “Checking In”
  2. Dermatologist With Bad Skin
  3. Email From Friend Announcing He’s Starting a Podcast
  4. The Text Bubbles That Pop Up After You Send a Risky Message
  5. Your Roommate Who’s Always Listening to Ed Sheeran and You’re Maybe Starting to Like Him Too Now
  6. Push Notification From a News Source
  7. Successful Person Who Is Younger Than You
  8. Avocado That’s Right on the Verge of Being Too Brown to Eat
  9. (And Not Just, Like, Job-Wise, But She, Like, Genuinely Seems to Live a Well-Rounded and Balanced Life)
  10. Sales Associate Asking How She Can Help You Today
  11. Local Chop’t at 12:47 p.m. on a Tuesday
  12. Bodysuit That Doesn’t Have Snaps
  13. Empty Tampon Box
  14. Flight Attendant Looking Nervous
  15. Attractive Girl in Ex-Boyfriend’s Instagram Story
  16. Dad Flirting With Waitress
  17. Lost Snap Streak
  18. Newly Single Platonic Male Friend
  19. Person Watching You Type
  20. Person Scrolling Through Your Photos With Abandon
  21. Person Who Just Wants to Ask You a Quick Question
  22. Person Taking an Unsettling Amount of Time to Type Their Response
  23. Person in Adjacent Stall Who Won’t Leave
  24. Person on Megabus About to Sit Next to You, Not Deterred By Your Sour Expression
  25. Usual Jean Size That’s Not Looking Like It’s Gonna Fit This Time
  26. Music Festivals (all-encompassing)
  27. Bang Trim Administered by Different Stylist
  28. Small Talk With Distant Relative
  29. Mom Casually Suggesting You Maybe Look Into Law School
  30. Unzipped Fly
  31. Lipstick on Teeth
  32. Briefly Considering Law School
  33. “Storage Almost Full”
  34. Unexplained Bruise
  35. Your Twitter Feed
  36. Your Facebook Feed
  37. Tinder Bio Asking You to Disclose Your Weight
  38. Tinder Bio Describing Man as “GGG”
  39. Tinder Bio Describing Man as “Adventure Seeker Just Looking for a Partner in Crime”
  40. Extremely Promising Tinder Bio Followed by “Ethical Non-Monogamist”
  41. Tinder Bio That’s Just “Puppies! Tacos! Travel!” as If Those Were Some Kinds of Compelling, Rare Personality Traits
  42. Your Poetry From 2005
  43. Invite to Improv Show
  44. Clingy Shower Curtain
  45. Straightener Possibly Left On
  46. Paper Cut
  47. Impulse-Chosen Nail Color Because You’d Been at the Polish Wall for, Like, 10 Minutes and the Lady Was Staring at You and Then as Soon as She Puts It On You Realize It Looks Bad
  48. The Inevitable Return of Low-Rise Jeans
  49. Kitten Heels, Which Are Also Cool Now, Apparently
  50. Voicemail From Landlord
  51. Voicemail From Literally Anyone
  52. Uber Driver Who Cancels Trip and You Get Charged $5 for Some Reason
  53. The Important Article You Feel Peer-Pressured to Read Even Though It Looks Long and Boring
  54. New Rip in Tights
  55. TV Show That Got Rid of All Its Good Writers and Is No Longer Enjoyable
  56. Spotify Informing You of Your Most-Played Artist and It Rhymes With The Shmainshmokers
  57. The Calorie Count on the Cheesecake Factory Menu After You Already Ordered the Thing With the Highest One
  58. The Treble Clef Tattoo You Once Considered Getting, and It’s Not Even Like You Play an Instrument or Anything, You Just Thought It Would Look Cool
  59. Wrong Jeopardy Answer Yelled Out
  60. Call From Unknown Number
  61. Tweet From President