Wildly Extravagant Gift Ideas for Valentine’s Day

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People have a lot of opinions on Valentine’s Day. Some regard it as 50%-Off-Chocolate Eve. Others find it to be the perfect excuse to Instagram their boo or quasi-boo with impunity. Still more consider it to be the apex of a Hallmark-peddled consumerist agenda designed to force coupled-up people to express their affections in a depressingly circumscribed way and single people to contemplate their lonely mortality.

Still, no matter your feelings, February 14th is as good a time as any for fantasizing. Maybe those fantasies are NSFW, in which case, heck yeah get yours. Or maybe they concern ridiculous, over-the-top gifts, like these ones we’ve waxed poetic about below. (And by the way: If you came here to find actually viable last-minute gift ideas, you might be better off reading this post instead.)

The best Valentine's Day gift I've ever received was a leather jacket I still wear literally all the time. Aside from being super unexpected, the present was so good because it had nothing to do with Valentine's Day and everything to do with something I desperately wanted but wasn't ever going to buy for myself. So if I had a magic lamp (or lol if that dude was still around), I'd ask for the thing I desperately want but am not about to buy for myself this year, which would be these electric blue, block heel, almost-practical-but-definitely-out-of-my-price-range suede shoes.

While you're at it, imaginary boyfriend/Valentine's Day fairy, why don't you buy me one of these hand soap and lotion sets from Aesop, too? I get legitimately excited when I'm at a friend's house, restaurant, or anywhere I could possibly be washing my hands that has this duo out in the bathroom or kitchen. It smells so good! And the soap has little scrubbies to exfoliate. I want it so bad, but I just can't convince myself to drop $125 on hand soap (even the $4 Mrs. Meyers purchase feels a little too bougie sometimes). —Cory Baldwin, shopping editor

My dream gift would be some sort of full-service, all immersive spa experience (NOT SPA CASTLE). I want a facial, a massage, some sort of fancy tea, a steam room, a sauna — and I do not want to do it as a couple. Just send me alone, with your money, and a note that says "here to be pampered." Ideally, that would all happen at the Couvent des Minimes Hotel and Spa in Provence, France.

Also, I've never owned a really great expensive bag. I've owned some great bags, and some expensive bags, but not one that's checked both of those boxes. Now that I'm almost 30, I feel like it's the time for me to start thinking about this purchase. But you know what would be better? If someone else thought about it and bought one for me. I'll even do the legwork: I want the Céline Medium Clasp Handbag, which costs $4,200. Thanks in advance, babe! —Tiffany Yannetta, shopping director

There is a strong chance that this heated bathrobe is a) dangerous, b) defective, and c) ugly, but I do not care, I think it’s dope. I have trouble getting out of bed, particularly in the winter, and the thought of immediately slipping into the warm embrace of this garment is enough to shave at least eight minutes off my hit-snooze-and-scroll-through-Twitter morning “ritual.”

Another thing I have trouble with is scent. I have a smattering of bottles from My Past (‘sup, CK One and Burberry Brit), but in the last few years I haven’t been able to find one that both feels like me and doesn’t smell too cloying. The way I’ve solved that problem is with fancy deodorant. (It’s a thing!) This Guerlain stick smells fresh yet mysterious, woodsy yet sexy, and would be perfect except that it costs $31 and I can’t bring myself to shell that much out for something I could buy a three-pack of for $10. (Also it doesn’t really prevent sweat or actual BO, so you have to layer it with a regular antiperspirant anyway.) Is it weird/unromantic to request deodorant as a gift? Maybe! Oh well!

Finally, I can’t stop thinking about this ice blue fur coat from Gudrun & Gudrun, which is extremely impractical but who cares because I know that if I were to wear it I would look like a sexy cloud. And isn’t that really the ultimate fantasy? —Alanna Okun, senior editor