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Fifty Shades Darker hits theaters today — because it’s Valentine’s Day, of course, and what self-respecting couple wouldn’t want to make a date night out of a movie one critic says “makes The Chronicles of Riddick look like Le Règle du Jeu”?
Yes, as evident by its current 9 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, the press has not been kind to the second cinematic installment of the Fifty Shades franchise. But if one good thing has come out of the movie’s release, it’s the lineup of objectively excellent designer dresses star Dakota Johnson has worn throughout Darker’s press tour thus far.
And while I could wax poetic about Johnson’s ruffled Gucci gowns and incredibly cool sequined Saint Laurent look, wouldn’t you rather hear it from the actress’s Fifty Shades alter ego Anastasia Steele herself? More specifically, from Anastasia Steele’s inner goddess?
Thought so.* Enjoy:
“My inner goddess is clapping her hands with glee like a small child.”
“My inner goddess is draped in a pink feather boa and diamonds, strutting her stuff in fuck-me shoes.”
“My inner goddess resurface[s] after her evening of rocking and weeping in the corner, and she’s wearing harlot-red lipstick.”
“My inner goddess nods frantically in agreement.”
“My inner goddess performs four arabesques and a pas de basque.”
“My inner goddess grabs a rose between her teeth and starts to tango.”
“My inner goddess rises sleepily, stretches, and smiles… she’s been asleep for a while.”
* Yes, these are all actual lines from E.L. James’s second book. And no, I can’t believe it either.