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This morning, Sports Illustrated revealed the cover of its annual swimsuit issue — sorry, the three covers of its annual swimsuit issue. Did Sports Illustrated use these covers — heck, one of the covers — to feature literally anyone other than Kate Upton? Of course not, you ignorant fetus!
Kate Upton, she of The Other Woman and also three previous Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue covers, is indeed featured on every single one of this year’s editions. One thing that is not on any of the covers? A swimsuit top.
The first cover? Zero top, and not really much of a bottom, either.
The second? A bottom and a jacket.
The third? A piece of string that does literally nothing a swimsuit is supposed to.
It would appear that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has gone from choosing just extremely ill-fitting swimsuits to no swimsuits at all.