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Not Even ‘The Bachelor’ Is Safe From Hygge

The iconic ABC reality show has fallen prey to the coziness conspiracy.

Wake up, sheeple. That’s a sheepskin rug.
Photos: Hulu

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If you’ve never heard of “hygge,” it is the Danish concept that coziness is good, which I’m pretty sure is a concept everywhere, but that’s beside the point. If you’ve never heard of The Bachelor, it is an ABC reality television show in which women have a one-in-25 chance of being proposed to by a stranger.

Until very recently, these two things have had little, if not nothing, in common, and all was well. While hygge celebrates thick socks and calming tea, The Bachelor is a show in which a typical date involves skydiving and/or a New Orleans voodoo ceremony. Impromptu toplessness is also common, as is excessive drinking of tropical cocktails. Nobody reads books on The Bachelor, and people who are into hygge are always reading books. It worked!

But in the last few episodes of The Bachelor, this has changed. That’s because the finale, which airs tonight, takes place not at a generic beach resort, but in Finland. Not just Finland: Finland-Finland, a.k.a. Lapland, where Santa is from. We know this because Finnair paid the show a bunch of money so that The Bachelor would devote roughly 45 minutes to showing B-roll of friendly Finnish flight attendants.

But there may be another reason this show is currently taking place in idyllic Nordic yurts rather than tequila-soaked beaches: The Bachelor is the latest victim of the global conspiracy to make everything hygge.

They never specifically mention it on the show (and if they did, the contestants would undoubtedly pronounce it “higgy”), but there are clear signs that The Bachelor is brainwashing its massive audience into further fetishizing snugness.

Just look at Nick’s sweater, which is made of a fabric thicker than anything anyone has ever worn in Bachelor franchise history:

Or this sheepskin rug, which has no place on a Bachelor set:

This hearty beef-based dish, which the producers definitely had to force down Nick and Raven’s throats:

This sad attempt at a Fantasy Suite:

These fluffy woodland creatures:

And this conspicuous ensemble:

That’s not even including tonight’s finale, which evidence suggests will feature sensible snow boots:

Terrible skating followed by freezing kisses:

More floofers:

Horseback riding:

Fire-staring-while-teacup-holding:

Snow-staring-while-teacup-holding:

And finally, more good sweaters:

As an act of protest, I will be watching tonight’s episode in a sarong while drinking a margarita.