We've Reached Peak ‘Instagram Trend’ and I'm Honestly So Tired

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Hello, will you click into this article about “neon lights makeup?” What if I told you it was the ~latest Insta trend~? And by that I mean roughly a couple dozen people have posted a picture participating in the trend on Instagram. In turn, content-hungry blogs have rushed to post the newest spectacle from the depths of the internet.

The phrase “Insta(gram) trend” doesn’t mean anything anymore — we should ship it out to that farm upstate where phrases like “French Girl” and “pared down” (should) go to die. But that hasn’t stopped headline writers from abusing the label! So in service of the people who must know every single Instagram trend at all times, we present a very, very long list of “trends” (that are only from the last month), broken down by which to try and which to steer clear of.

Insta Trends That Are Definitely Not a Thing:

“The "Snogging" Trend *Intentionally* Makes It Look Like You Just Made Out With Somebody”

Which appears to be the same thing as...

“The New ‘Lollipop Lipstick’ Trend”??

Get your shit together, internet.

“Neon Lights Makeup Is the Latest Insta Trend”

Turn your face into one of those beer signs, they said. It’ll look great on Insta, they said.

Or, as Perez Hilton writes: “Get Ready to Fucking GLOW Babes.”

“People Are Applying a Full Face of Makeup to Their Thighs”

Might hate this one the least because it feels like something Chrissy Teigen might do??

“See The Poses That Could Make Or Break Your Instagram This Year: T-Rex, Finger-mouthing, Rap Squat, this list goes on...”

Is there anything the tyranny of the Instagram Trend Industrial Complex won’t touch? Now it wants to dictate how you pose.

“Is this the weirdest Instagram trend yet? Rise of the downward gaze - the 'candid' new Instagram pose that sees influencers looking like they've lost their lenses”

Radiohead called this one in 2007.

“Heartilage Cartilage Piercing Trend Takes Over Instagram”

This Teen Vogue article gets bonus points for working the word “hack” into the subhead.

“The Latest Beauty Trend Is Disney Princess AF”

It’s a crown, for your eyelids.

“7 lip masks perfect for hopping on the hottest Instagram beauty trend”

Everything you need to know: right here.

“Roxy Jacenko's baffling new Instagram trend: two dozen headless selfies in three weeks”

TFW you get called out for stealing your entire aesthetic from “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.”

“This 19th Century Artist Technique Is Now A MAJOR Beauty Trend”

Get your Vincent van Gogh on.

“You Might Not Know What a Daith Piercing Is But You're Going to Want One”

K.

“Can Someone Please Explain This New Teen Photo Pose to Me?”

Same question!

“Ombre Starbucks Drinks Are The Latest Off-Menu Obsession”

A status symbol if I’ve ever seen one.

“The Surprising Jewelry Trend Taking Over Instagram”

I have a gripe with this one. A brand launched a new hoodie with jewelry instead of drawstring and we’re already saying it’s taking over Instagram? Maybe I doth protest too much.

“This Major Nail Trend Takes Its Inspiration From Healthy Instagram”

This one has layers.

“How to Pull Off the $8 Fashion Trend Blowing Up on Instagram”

I really don’t understand how fishnets keep you warm under jeans, but okay?

“Weed nails are the hottest new trend you can never wear to an airport”

The first sentence is: “‘High fashion’ has just been taken to a whole new level.” Moooooooommmmmmm.

“The Buzzy Sneaker Trend That Carrie Bradshaw Would Definitely Be Into”

It’s “blown up on Instagram, taking social media fashionistas’ #OOTD from classic to statement-making.” Buzzy, Carrie Bradshaw, Fashionistas, OOTD, Statement-Making. Who got bingo?

“Weird new beauty trend: Freckle tattoos”

This is getting dramatic.

“#Instadads are the hot new Instagram trend”

Just, like, dads? If you say so.

“Babies with eyebrows: These 13 adorable babies with funky eyebrows will make you go aww!”

Sorry, you’ll have to Benjamin Button yourself to get in on this one. Bummer.

“The Latest Beauty Trend Involves Rubbing a Condom On Your Face”

Think that’s my cue to leave.

Insta Trends That Are Definitely a Thing:

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???