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Good morning and Happy Harry Day! It’s here: Harry Styles has released his very first solo song, “Sign of the Times,” and right now music scholars everywhere are scribbling out all mention of Mozart, Tupac, and all other previously “great” artists because music as we know it has just begun and everything else that has come before it is trash.
Have you listened to it? LISTEN TO IT!!!! I’ll wait.
Recalling any memory prior to this morning is tough, but a few weeks ago, whispers of its imminence were starting to arise — specifically, word of a single “as soon as April or May,” to be followed by an album and a tour. But reader, I’m sorry to say that I was too busy exploring my new identity as a Sheerio (n. — one who enjoys the music of Ed Sheeran) to give it much attention. An album by a perfect, beautiful, British pop-rock megastar directly following an album by a less-perfect, less-beautiful, British pop-rock megastar was just too much to hope for.
But about two weeks ago it became clear that solo Harry was coming, and that’s when I realized I needed a Harry Styles T-shirt. When that mythical day arrived, I would be ready. And while, full disclosure, I already owned a long-sleeved T-shirt with Harry Styles’ chest and arm tattoos in their actual places, I wanted one with his beautiful, dumb, perfect face on it.
I started on Etsy, where I found this incredible triptych of Harry housing a shot ($22):
This flawless and (possibly illegal?) re-print from his iconic photo shoot with Another Man magazine ($18):
Most adorably, this embroidered T-shirt with an evergreen reminder that Harry USED TO BE A BAKER ($20):
And this historic documentation of all of Harry’s Saint Laurent-iest shirts ($24.80):
Ultimately, however, I settled on this one, which manages to not only accurately capture his third-day-hair waves, but also his affinity for suits that look like tablecloths:
Anyway, today is a great day to purchase one of these. There’s literally no other musician for whom I would have paid $24.80 plus shipping and handling for a T-shirt with a vaguely Garden State-y illustration of their face on it. Happy Harry Day, everyone.