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Justin Bieber’s alleged rider leaked the other day, and it is wild in literally every way. There’s no lack of “special Indian Yoga Caskets,” flown-in masseuses, private helicopters to deliver him from his hotel to the concert venue (“a first in the history”), and a jacuzzi for “Bieber’s personal use to unwind before he takes the stage.”
Justin Bieber’s India tour rider includes a “Indian Yoga casket”, a jacuzzi and a press release that lists all his demands out for you. pic.twitter.com/afwHpMJHJM— Arjun S Ravi (@arjun_s_ravi) May 3, 2017
The language in the supposed rider is equally entertaining, peppered with phrases like “in order to keep the Biebs happy backstage” and “The ‘Sorry’ singer also has a list of delicious treats that he enjoys.” I want this to be real more than anything I’ve ever wanted.
In the midst of decadent luxury, the rider also unveils that the “Little Drummer Boy” remixer is, apparently, a simple man when it comes to grooming and shower accoutrements. The Daddy Yankee collaborator only requires Dove Body Wash ($4.97), which, if true, is astounding. He mixes this simple body wash in with demands for a casket containing exotic aromatic essential oils and a personal Rolls Royce.
And, in the words of the rider, “that’s not all” — you can also get some of the Bieber’s style for a similarly budget price. His clothing needs evidently include plain white crewneck tees, white tank tops, and three packages of white low-rise socks. May I be so bold as to recommend Hanes for all the above?
So hop in the shower, lather up with Dove, follow up by throwing on a plain white tee and low-rise socks, then down a “large pack” of Swedish Fish. You’ll surely be the Canadian hitmaker in no time.