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Today is Prime Day, an Amazon ~ shopping holiday ~ with thousands of sales spanning literally every single category. It’s a 30-hour event that sort of also started days ago, there are new deals every five minutes, and it’s completely monopolized the internet.
So what’s a non-Amazon brand to do? Have a sale! If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! Except you can’t really join Amazon because it’s just so much bigger than you, but sure, you can try!
Here, a list of the brands attempting to compete with Amazon for your hard-earned dollars today, ranked in order from most thirsty to least. We know that not all of these are direct rebuttals, but in the age of Amazon, isn’t every sale a direct rebuttal?
DSW: 30% off in stores and online. The email includes the phrase “NOW THAT'S A PRIME DEAL.” But technically, it’s not! Aaaaaand, the embedded flyer begins with “Some places know books and batteries. Some places know shoes. And DSW totally knows shoes.” You guys, chill!
Macy's: It's not *actually* Black Friday in July, but Macy's is latching onto Amazon’s Prime Day slogan and running with it. The subject line on its email blast today: “FREE SHIPPING on all orders ― today only! It's Black Friday in July!”
Forever 21: The retailer’s email blasted news of its whopping 70% off sale this morning with a hot pink flashing flyer unsubtly touting “Black Friday in July.” Every (select) item included in the sale features a pink “Black Friday” bubble on the website, too.
Express: Instead of borrowing “Black Friday,” Express just declaring that today is “Express Day” — when you shop online or in the app, you can take 40% off your purchase.
Steve Madden: For the next — exactly — 7 hours, 55 minutes, and 8 seconds, you can take 40% off at Steve Madden, plus free shipping. The newsletter includes a countdown, in case that wasn’t clear.
American Eagle: “Hey Alexa, bet you don’t know: What’s better than free shipping? We do. AE Jeans.” They’re 30% off through tonight, if you’re interested. (And yes, shipping is free on these orders.)
The RealReal: The resale site is just giving its newsletter subscribers $30 today to put toward purchases.
Michaels: Okay, we know this isn't our beat, but Michael's is calling today "Treat Yourself Tuesday" and you can "SAVE BIG ONLINE" with a 40% off discount on all full-price merchandise.
J.Crew: 30% off your online purchase. This one isn’t that thirsty, because J.Crew is always 30% off.
Do you have any extra thirsty sales in your inbox? Send them to email@example.com and we’ll add them to the list!