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Yesterday Charli XCX dropped “Boys,” a song about how fun it is to sit around and think about boys. While a worthwhile artistic endeavor on its own, the accompanying music video goes one step further by hacking into your brain and expressing those thoughts visually. It also manages to star all of your boyfriends at once, including Riz Ahmed, Khalid, Joe Jonas, Brendan Urie, Ezra Koenig, Joey Bada$$, Cameron Dallas, and literal dozens of others.
The video, directed by Charli herself, is essentially a study in the female gaze, or at least a one-to-one reversal of the male gaze. In an interview with BBC Radio 1, she described the concept as basically making men do “all the sexy things that girls usually do in music videos.”
Here is the video, which I have watched — and this is a conservative estimate — about 40 times:
Not only is the “Boys” video full of excellent boys, but it is also full of excellent outfits. Below, a ranking of every single look on the boys of “Boys,” ranked from least-best to best, because honestly they are all the best.
60. Connor Franta’s face
Poor YouTuber Connor Franta didn’t get a chance to show off his outfit, which I’m sure is adorable :(
59. Vance Joy’s delicious-looking dessert
Australian singer-songwriter Vance Joy may also have a really cute outfit on, but we will never know for sure. That mysterious dessert looks good, though.
58. Denzel Curry’s black T-shirt
Rapper Denzel Curry, going with a plain black T-shirt in what is this video’s most attainable look.
57. Barns Courtney’s lightly accessorized black T-shirt
The British musician opted for an equally attainable black T-shirt, but this time accessorized with a necklace!
56. Rostam Batmanglij’s pink T-shirt
The former Vampire Weekend band member gets points for choosing a slightly more on-theme shirt color.
55. Kaytranada’s necklace-sunglasses combo
DJ/producer Kaytranada’s T-shirt comes with a side of pitch-black sunglasses and subtle chain, all of which very much work.
54. The Fat Jew’s rosé-soaked shirt and denim Speedo
It’s a good look with non-ideal casting.
53. ?????’s white tee and jeans
I’m guessing this person is some sort of soccer player, but judging from this simple white T-shirt/jeans pairing, he’d also make an excellent fashion model.
52. Will.I.Am’s extremely Will.I.Am outfit
Will.I.Am seems to have walked onto set wearing the outfit he was wearing that day anyway. Which, do you, Will.I.Am.
51. Chromeo’s ’90s bro cosplay
Electronic/disco duo Chromeo just came from an audition to play two bro BFFs in a ’90s movie where the goal is to lose their virginities by prom night but neither of them actually do. There are worse looks!
50. Frank Carter’s shirt of tattoos
If you have this many tattoos, you’re technically always wearing an outfit. The tattoos on Frank Carter, of Frank Carter and the Rattlesnakes, are pretty good. (What is the meaning behind the crossed-out lowercase “biblical” next to the uppercase “BIBLICAL”?????)
49. Jay Prince’s football jersey
As a British person, Jay Prince probably wouldn’t call this a football jersey, but it is, and that’s sort of charming.
48. Cobra Snake’s tacky vacation shirt
Mid-2000s Hipster Hot Girl Photographer Mark Hunter, aka The Cobra Snake, stopped by a Tallahassee souvenir shop before the shoot and picked out the loudest shirt there. That was a compliment, also. This is a good shirt.
47. Carl Barat’s white tank
The Libertine’s co-frontman (not Pete Doherty; he is unfortunately does not appear in this film) is serving Raging Bull vibes in this look, and despite the problematic connotations, it is not not working.
46. Tommy Cash’s unseasonable parka
The whole Estonian-rapper-Tommy-Cash’s-mustache-mowing-down-on-a-rose thing distracts from the fact that this is a good parka.
45. Caspar Lee’s hole-y sweatshirt
British/South African YouTuber Caspar Lee’s sweatshirt is the kind where if it didn’t have holes, you would probably think it costs, like, $10, but since it does have those holes, you know it costs, like, $250.
44. Fred MacPherson’s suit
In the video, the lead singer of English rock band Spector smashes a pink guitar and then kind of snowboard-glides on it, which makes this suit cooler than it should be.
43. D.R.A.M.’s hodgepodge of an outfit
American rapper D.R.A.M.’s outfit is doing a lot of things. A perfectly fine choice for smashing a set of old televisions in.
42. Fai Khadra’s sunglasses
Singer and one-time Kendall Jenner flirtation recipient Fai Khadra has some truly excellent sunglasses.
41. Theo Hutchcraft’s crisp collared shirt
Another very Raging Bull look from the lead singer of English pop band Hurts, but this vaguely pink striped one is superior.
40. Taka Moriuchi’s secretly fancy jacket
The lead singer of Japanese band ONE OK ROCK’s jacket is definitely one of those items of clothing that looks like Uniqlo and secretly comes from a brand no one has heard of and costs more than your rent.
39. Buddy’s adorable love note
23-year-old California rapper Buddy isn’t really wearing an outfit, but he told me I have a nice butt, so.
38. Sage the Gemini’s Euro vibes
Sage the Gemini is a rapper/producer from California, although this outfit suggests he’s a midfielder for Manchester United.
37. Laurie Vincent’s very cute, very fat baby
Only a baby this cute and this fat could make the English punk rocker and artist look like someone who unloads the dishwasher without being asked.
36. Portugal. The Man’s Charli XCX tattoo
Portugal. The Man lead singer John Gourley got a tattoo of the artist whose music video he starred in during the video, which is awesome.
35. Tom Daley’s wet shirt
Literally what else would you put British Olympic diver Tom Daley in besides a soaking wet T-shirt?
34. Joey Bada$$’s fanny pack
This 22-year-old rapper is correct: Fanny packs are cool now.
33. Max Hershenow’s utility jumpsuit
The MS MR member chose the perfect jumpsuit for kick-heavy dancing, and also for cleaning up the spill in aisle 12.
32. THEY.’s off-duty baseball uniforms
Baseball, the most boring sport of all, has never been more exciting than when the Los Angeles music duo put on these jerseys.
31. Shokichi’s pink leather
He’s a Japanese singer, dancer, and composer, and also evidently a leather jacket connoisseur.
30. The Vamps’ cupcake crumb hair
Never mind Tristan Evans and James McVey’s shirts, which are very good. Instead, turn your attention to the amount of cupcake crumbs in McVey’s hair. Delightful!
29. Jack Antonoff’s sweaty tank top
Either musician and producer Jack Antonoff did bicep curls for nine hours straight, or someone rubbed an entire bottle of Italian salad dressing on his body. Either way, that’s commitment.
28. Stormzy’s Stormzy shirt
British grime rapper Stormzy is probably the only person who can wear one’s own T-shirt in someone else’s music video and get away with it.
27. Mark Ronson and Ezra Koenig’s complementary color palette
The English DJ and the Vampire Weekend frontman are the sort of couple that doesn’t necessarily intend to dress alike and end up doing so anyway because they’ve spent three years trading clothes. Adorable.
26. Khalid’s pink tie-dye
The shirt makes the argument that the Texas teen singer rolled around in some tie-dye alongside these puppies. It’s really just a great visual.
25. Jack Guinness’s pocket square
Of course Jack Guinness, a British model-slash-DJ-slash-actor, would go with the “adjust-my-sleeves-while-squinting-at-the-camera” catalog model thing.
24. Liam Fray’s pink shearling
The Courteeners frontman’s shearling coat beats Jack Guinness’s suit due to coziness.
23. Tinie Tempah’s salmon shirt
English rapper Tinie Tempah’s shirt is very good. This English bulldog puppy is even better, though.
22. Tom Grennan’s silky bomber
That is a great pink bomber jacket, British indie musician Tom Grennan.
21. Dan Smith’s B for Boys
There is a medium chance that the Bastille lead singer’s “B” shirt originally stood for “Bastille.” Yet today, and all the days that follow, it shall stand for “Boys.”
20. Poet’s fuzzy scarf
British host/personality Poet’s scarf is so fuzzy and I definitely used to own one like it and it came from Claire’s.
19. Shaun Ross’s choker
Model Shaun Ross’ look suggests that chokers aren’t over as long as you pair them with sunglasses you can’t see through.
18. Joe Jonas’s Joe Jonas robe
Joe Jonas absolutely already owned this monogrammed robe prior to filming. I am sure of it.
17. Cameron Dallas’s partial nudity
Cameron Dallas, once a teen Vine star, is now a 22-year-old with a six-pack who knows how to work a chainsaw. Just stating facts!!!!
16. Jay Park’s swim trunks
Jay Park, who does almost everything the other boys of “Boys” do (rap, sing, dance, produce, model, etc.), also does them while wearing seersucker swim trunks on a flamingo float.
15. Diplo’s sweatpants
You, ignorant: Sweatpants aren’t that good of an outfit.
Me, smart: Sweatpants are perfect for weightlifting puppies and also an important garment that men can wear.
14. Connor Franta Pt. 2, ft. angel wings
Bless Connor Franta, who finally got the chance to show off his outfit for precisely one second three-quarters of the way through the video. It was just as great as I hoped.
13. Flume and A.G. Cook’s geek sweaters
Australian DJ Flume and British producer A.G. Cook came from a country club that is just for DJs who are secretly nerds.
12. Brendan Urie’s Valentine suit
Panic! At the Disco’s Brendan Urie could be filming his Bachelor trailer, and now I need to go write an urgent email to ABC.
11. Oli Sykes’s matching shirt and torso
Hard to say where lead singer of Bring Me the Horizon’s shirt ends and his torso begins, but both have good prints.
10. Charlie Puth’s slutty Hawaiian shirt
I’m of the opinion that the Hawaiian shirt is actually the sluttiest garment if worn correctly, which 25-year-old singer Charlie Puth is doing.
9. Prince & Jacob’s see-through leopard print
The editors of Galore magazine’s casual cowboy hat and see-through leopard button-down might be the sleaziest outfits of all the Boys, which means that they automatically crack the top 10.
8. Wiz Khalifa and Ty Dolla $ign’s heart-shaped glasses
Ty Dolla $ign’s white heart glasses are the best accessory in the whole video besides puppies.
7. G-Eazy’s silky shirt
I want to wear rapper/producer G-Eazy’s shirt; I want to sleep in this shirt; I want to eat two hot dogs in it because one hot dog is almost never enough; I want to live in it until it’s ripped and stained and basically disintegrates. It is a good shirt.
6. Mic Lowry’s boy band pink
Mic Lowry, who are a “British vocal harmony boy band from Liverpool” (!!!!!!!!!!), have taken up the time-honored tradition of boy bands wearing matching outfits. This pink one might be the best ever?
5. WSTRN’s pink gradient
What I love most about this look by British rap collective WSTRN is that it could star in Carly Rae Jepsen’s iconic “Boy Problems” video, which takes place at a sleepover with only girls.
4. Mac DeMarco’s dad jeans
Out of all the shirtless boys of “Boys,” singer-songwriter Mac DeMarco takes the top spot, thanks to his full commitment to the dad jeans/dad belt/gross shoes combo.
3. Aminé’s suede shirt
You don’t see a lot of pink suede out there, and that’s probably because rapper Aminé looks better in it than anyone else ever could, so why bother even trying.
2. MNEK’s naked blazer
British singer/producer MNEK’s look is very strong: a pink blazer with just a necklace underneath.
1. Riz Ahmed and the Swet Shop Boys’ rainbow of girlishness
There is no universe in which British actor Riz Ahmed and his hip-hop group the Swet Shop Boys do not take the top spot, with an honorable mention to Riz Ahmed’s matching pink teddy bear, not pictured. This scene is the video’s most iconic, as it combines everything “Boys” is about: a multitude of diverse boys, showing off their personal taste in fashion and posing strategies.
But once again, all of the boys’ looks in “Boys” are the best. God bless Charli XCX and God bless the boys of “Boys.”
Update: July 28, 2017, 11:33 a.m.
This post has been updated with Connor Franta's name at #14, thanks to a tip from a sleuthing reader.