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Warning: This post contains spoilers.
We’re nearly halfway through season 4 of Younger — the show about a fortysomething single mom masquerading as a twentysomething publishing assistant — and a lot has happened so far. Kelsey (Hilary Duff) has forgiven Liza (Sutton Foster) for lying about her age to further her career, Josh (Nico Tortorella) is maybe moving on from his breakup with Liza, Maggie (Debi Mazar) has gotten to showcase her knife skills, and Diana (Miriam Shor) has finally, blessedly found love with something other than a statement necklace (don’t worry — she’s still wearing plenty of those, too). But I think we can all agree that this season, the most is happening with something else: Kelsey’s seemingly endless collection of statement tops.
Exhibit A: This Intermix shirt Kelsey wears to an exclusive publishing retreat in episode 3, which somehow manages to combine a standard collar, off-the-shoulder neckline, puffy sleeves, ruching, and denim into a single garment. In other words, it’s definitely one of These Goddamn Shirts™:
She follows it up with an Erdem knit shirt/sweater (shweater?) that’s both off-the-shoulder and off-the-wrist. It also costs $1,715, making it a somewhat impractical choice for a weekend in the woods:
Things only escalate from there. In episode 4, Kelsey meets up with a rival book editor in this pink Tibi top (millennial pink for Millennial Print, get it?!), which cannot seem to decide whether it is off-the-shoulder, one-shoulder, or none of the above:
But all of these tops are merely a warm-up for the main event: this nearly $3,000 Roland Mouret look Kelsey wears in episode 5, which looks like something she might’ve pieced together with sheets of printer paper from Empirical’s supply closet. Neiman Marcus describes it as a “Draped Half-Sleeve Cold-Shoulder Jumpsuit.” That is a lot of adjectives.
Need to see it from a different angle? Be my guest. I’m honestly not sure where the jumpsuit ends and the sleeves begin, people:
To her credit, Kelsey’s also worn some extremely cute stuff in recent episodes, like this blue lace Alexis dress and the Stella McCartney cat-print top that, despite being on serious sale right now, is still sadly out of my budget.
Still, these shirts have me deeply concerned. Kelsey is better than these shirts! She deserves more than these shirts! Here’s hoping she shoulders the blame (ehhh?) for these questionable garments in the episodes to come — you know, so we can get back to our regularly scheduled Gucci.