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This Is the Vermontiest Lawsuit You Can Even Imagine

I AM EXTREMELY HERE FOR THIS STEAMIN’ HOT 802 TEA.

Photo: Larry Gloth/Getty Images

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Pop open a pint of Half Baked and carefully place your copy of Phish’s critically acclaimed 1992 album Junta on your record player because HOLY SHITTTTTTTTT there is some major Vermont DUR-RAMAAAAAA currently baking in the community kiln.

Yesterday, OG Vermont brewery Long Trail (not the one that makes Heady Topper, tell your boyfriend to chill) filed a federal lawsuit against Burton, the company that makes snowboards and also 80 percent of Vermont eighth-graders’ winter parkas. The issue? Burton plastered Long Trail’s trademark slogan, “Take a Hike,” on one of its sweatshirts.

Now, aside from the fact that “Take a Hike” is an odd tagline for beer, because every time I drink beer I end up canceling any plans that would require me to get up from the couch and order nachos instead, this is a hilarious lawsuit. First, because “Take a Hike” is already kind of like a highly known and popular idiom, but also because Vermonters are literally the last people in the world who need to be told to take a hike. Have you seen my Facebook feed?!??!?! It’s exhausting!!!

It appears, however, that the offending hoodie in question has been pulled from Burton’s website, but Vermont’s alternative weekly (YES THOSE THINGS ARE STILL GOING STRONG IN VERMONT, Y’ALL SHOULD REALLY VISIT), Seven Days, published a screenshot:

Photo: Seven Days

While I hate to see two of the most iconic Vermont brands fighting, I have to admit that I am also extremely thrilled that it has thrust the ridiculousness of Vermont culture into the national spotlight. But sadly, it is not likely to last long. The most probable outcome is that Burton will apologize just as any Vermonter would if they had accidentally cut someone off at a four-way intersection. Which is to say, politely and excessively.