Fashion Game Shows I Would Watch

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There are a lot of game shows: Jeopardy!, The Price Is Right; technically The Bachelor is a game show, as is Rock Of Love Bus, the bus-centric third season of Rock Of Love. There are not, however, nearly enough fashion game shows. Maybe that’s because no one has ever thought of any good ones. Well, I have, and here they are.

• Is Your Bag Big Enough To Hold This? is a show where one unfortunate contestant must carry a slightly bigger bag than everyone else, who will then test her patience by constantly asking things like, “Can your bag fit my water bottle?” and “Mind if I throw my wallet in your bag?” The game is over when the woman with the biggest bag snaps and says she’s not a fucking camel, Christine.
• Statement Necklace is a show in which you and your mom go shopping for fun statement necklaces and talk about what the people you went to high school with are up to now. There are no losers in Statement Necklace. Everyone wins!
• How Many Blanket Scarves Is Too Many? is a game where contestants must sit in an excessively air conditioned office and pile on enough blanket scarves to keep warm. But if you add so many blanket scarves that you topple over like a human dog bed, you lose!
• Am I Pulling This Off? is a show in which I wander around the stage in various types of hats and ask the contestants, “Am I pulling this off?” The answer is almost always “no,” but in order to get any points they have to respond with an emphatic “yes!”
• Buy Your Boyfriend a Plaid Shirt is a show where you and your boyfriend go shopping for a new shirt for him, and it’ll probably be plaid. If he makes a purchase before dejectedly leaving the store and suggesting you guys go meet up with his friend at the brewery or something, you both win!
• Will You Do My Eye Makeup? is a game where non-professional makeup artists take a couple shots of tequila and do each other’s eye makeup. You lose by secretly running into the bathroom and taking it all off.
• Shark Tank Top is a spinoff of Shark Tank where all the businesses are tank top-related.
• Add A Belt! is a show where somebody comes out in an outfit and the contestants have to decide whether it needs a belt. The answer is usually that it does not, but it helps to try one on anyway.
• I Don’t Know, What Are YOU Wearing Tonight? is a game in which all contestants must take part in a group chat and decide what the vibe is for the thing tonight. Points will be given for good defense — i.e. continuing to ask “I don’t know yet, what are you wearing?” — but if you decide on a look that’s not in line with what everyone else had in mind, you lose, and you can’t go to the thing tonight.
• How Long Has It Been Since You Washed That Bra? is a completely silent game where no one even dares utter the central question, not even to themselves.