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Gaze Upon the World’s Most Unsettling Bikini

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Welcome to the Un-kini Valley.

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Today I saw an item of clothing online, and immediately felt a sense of disquiet. The item was this:

What at first glance appears to be three floating triangles on a human body is, in fact, a bikini. But instead of a normal bikini, this bikini is connected by transparent elastic, forcing the wearer to look as though a computer glitch caused half of the swimsuit to not load properly.

This bikini is so bizarre that it has forced me to make the following terrible pun: the Un-kini Valley. It is unsettling in the same way as it is unsettling to watch an incredibly intelligent engineer express his relationship with a sex robot. This bikini elicits the feeling that 38-year-old Vanderpump Rules cast member Jax Taylor must have had when he watched a giant automated claw make him a drink better than anything he ever has made in his life. This bikini confirms to me that yes, technology has gone too far, and we should all be very terrified of it.

The bikini itself may only be made of polyester and rubber, but the ideas it forces us to contend with are monstrous in their complexity. Looking at this bikini feels like knowing too much, and I do not wish to see it ever again.