Please Join Me In Being Furious About This Blazer

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It’s Friday and it’s warm out for what feels like the first time in seventeen hundred years and I’m going to drink a lot of delicious IPAs near a body of water later today but guess what? I’M FURIOUS.

I’m furious about this blazer — or “blazer,” to use the laziest and my personal favorite grammatical construction for insults — that I saw on extremely fancy website Net-a-Porter:

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I want to show that I’m a professional woman of the workplace, but also that I have recently installed a sex swing in my bedroom?”

Have you ever thought to yourself, “What should I wear to this business casual–themed rave?”

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Only half my body is coming to the meeting later?”

ME NEITHER!!!

When I saw it last night, in order to avoid throwing my computer across my living room, I instead formally announced my resignation from fashion journalism on Twitter:

However, I had hoped that by the morning, I would have forgotten about the garment, and I could enter my office as though nothing had happened. Well, guess what?! I didn’t forget! And I’m still upset!!!!! Please join me!!!!