It’s 1985 in Hawkins, Indiana, and the Midwestern town that has endured not one but two attacks from the mysterious shadow universe existing directly underneath it is getting something far less menacing: a mall!
The new teaser trailer for Stranger Things 3 is less an advertisement for the show than for the Starcourt Mall, set to arrive next summer (which is presumably also when we can expect the show to return). It’s a perfectly cheesy establishment with ’80s favorites like Claire’s, the Gap, Waldenbooks, JC Penney, Sam Goody, Radio Shack, and Orange Julius, all with their contemporaneous logos, of course.
“Today, Hawkins is taking another step into the future with the brand new Starcourt Mall,” says the announcer, reminding us all of a time when malls were, in fact, a sign of the future instead of increasingly obsolete plots of land.
Watch the trailer below and dwell on a time when we, too, did things like people-watch over the second-floor railings, jam out on our Walkmans next to a Hot Dog on a Stick, and make out by the water fountain:
But, like in all malls, there appears to be something sinister going on. The only clue we get here, besides how creepily accurate the commercial seems, is at the very end, when we hear, “Starcourt is an All-American subsidiary of Starcourt Industries, an international enterprise.” I wonder if this incredibly foreboding-sounding company will have something to do with the plot this season!
However, there is a very important bright spot. As a special bonus, we get to see Joe Keery at his new job serving ice cream in a sailor outfit, which to me feels almost pornographic. Here it is:
Prepare to experience it all next summer, when the Starcourt Mall comes to Hawkins and Stranger Things 3 comes to Netflix.