Racked: All Posts by Aisling QuinnThe National Shopping, Stores, and Retail Scene Bloghttps://cdn.vox-cdn.com/community_logos/52809/32x32.0..png2015-10-16T13:11:19-04:00https://www.racked.com/authors/aisling-quinn/rss2015-10-16T13:11:19-04:002015-10-16T13:11:19-04:00Rejected Met Gala Themes
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<img alt="Sneak peek at the "Casual Friday" exhibit. " src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/WjxDEDyOHz6ToQiSgMa-zpSuU30=/308x0:5299x3743/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/47447924/casual-friday.0.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>Sneak peek at the "Casual Friday" exhibit. | Photo: Shutterstock/Paul Vasarhelyi</figcaption>
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<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>Ah, the glitz and glamour of the Met Gala, the fundraising event in New York City that attracts fashion and entertainment's elite. On Tuesday, the museum <a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/10/13/9522709/met-gala-2016-theme">announced</a> that 2016's theme would be "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology." Here are some of the themes that <em>Vogue</em> editor-in-chief Anna Wintour did not choose.
</p> <p><span>Riding in Cars With No Underwear: Lindsay, Britney, and Paris' Aughts</span></p>
<p>American Juggalo</p>
<p>The American Office: Casual Fridays</p>
<p>It's Early, No One Will See Me: The Art of Public Pajamas</p>
<p>Emojis.</p>
<p><span>I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar: The History of Power Shoulder Pads</span></p>
<p><span>Jailhouse Fashion: Clean Lines</span></p>
<p>Gator Boots and Pimped Out Gucci Suits</p>
<p>Nuns: Minimalism Pioneers</p>
<p>The Dark Ages: The Rise of Burlap</p>
<p>The Crushing Ephemerality of Forever 21</p>
<p>Nixon: The White House Years</p>
<p>LOST! Castaway Couture</p>
<p>Saturday Night at the Cheesecake Factory</p>
<p>Left at the Altar: The Fashions of Miss Havisham</p>
<p>The Glory of Lederhosen</p>
<p><span>Burger Kings and Dairy Queens: The Evolution of American Fast Food Uniforms</span></p>
<p><span>Jewel Tones and Blonde Bobs: The Women of Fox News</span></p>
<p><span>The Loft of Ann Taylor</span></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
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<p><em><a href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild">@obviouschild</a> for what her Mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</em></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
https://www.racked.com/2015/10/16/9551781/met-gala-theme-rejectedAisling Quinn2015-09-08T15:53:44-04:002015-09-08T15:53:44-04:00Kanye West's 2020 Campaign Promises
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<figcaption>Photo: Michael Tran/ FilmMagic/ Getty Images</figcaption>
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<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>Kanye West <a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/8/31/9230301/mtv-vma-awards-2015-recap#4820628">announced</a> his 2020 presidential bid with a mic drop at the 2015 VMAs. In 2018, he picked the mic up again and hopped on the campaign trail with a few choice promises for his fellow citizens. </p> <hr>
<p dir="ltr"><span>My vice president will be a hologram of myself.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>The Oval Office will be an octagon because its shape pleases me more as an artist.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr">There will be a weekly State of the Union where I'll talk about whatever is on my mind. Tax increases... immigration reform... new mandatory jail terms for anyone that wears pleather...</p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>I will do daily fly-bys in DC while hanging from an Air Force One rope ladder and performing my favorite songs FOR FREE YOU'RE WELCOME</span></p>
<p dir="ltr">My cabinet = the Kardashians</p>
<p dir="ltr">POTUS TWITTER FEED WILL BE ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Don't say I don't have any political experience BECAUSE I'VE BEEN FILIBUSTERING EVERYONE MY WHOLE LIFE.</p>
<p><span>I'm not pardoning any more turkeys because THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr">Three branches of government? Like TWIGS?? I need SEQUOIAS OF GOVERNMENT.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Obamacare, I'm happy for you and all, but it's gonna be KANYECARE from now on. It's actually called the Affordable Healthcare Act, but people don't seem to know that so...KANYECARE.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I don't care about straw polls or hay polls or even STRIPPER poles because I know what AMERICA wants — what America NEEDS — and it's me. Also, why the hell is every poll from Quinnipiac University? What is up with that? Do they have a monopoly on polls?!</p>
<p dir="ltr">I'll get rid of the Electoral College because I'M A DROPOUT AND LOOK HOW AMAZING I AM I DON'T NEED YOUR COLLEGE.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You want my e-mails? Oh, you'll get my e-mails. I'm going to read them on the White House lawn every damn day through a megaphone. Just TRY and guess what's on my Amazon WishList. JUST TRY.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You want entertainment? Imagine me at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. Shit. Would. Get. Real. My entrance music would be the "Rains of Castamere" or "American Boy." TBD.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The annual White House Easter Egg Hunt will have no children because they will all be Fabergé eggs hand-painted by Tibetan monks. If you're not living life luxuriously THEN WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING??? North can attend, though; she knows how to act.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Major student loan reform. Seriously.</span></p>
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<p dir="ltr"><em style="line-height: 1.44;"><a href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn" data-ref-index="0">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild" data-ref-index="1">@obviouschild</a> for what her mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</em></p>
https://www.racked.com/2015/9/8/9262539/kanye-west-2020-campaign-promisesAisling Quinn2015-08-04T13:00:03-04:002015-08-04T13:00:03-04:00Ex-Boyfriend Book Blurbs
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<figcaption>Hunky ex-boyfriend enjoys reading about himself. | Getty</figcaption>
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<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>When you've closed the book on a guy, but friends and family still offer soundbites on the relationship.</p> <hr>
<p dir="ltr">"POLITE...such a NICE boy....HEART-WRENCHINGLY SAD when you broke up with him...You could have been ENGAGED...YOU'LL BE MAD YOU MISSED OUT ON THIS when another girl snatches him up. Wait and see!" – <i>The Mom Daily</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">"AN HONEST, UNFLINCHING LOOK at the very last text from your ex, which simply read ‘Did you throw away my light saber.' It forces you to reevaluate EVERYTHING YOU EVER THOUGHT about your taste in men." – Alexa, coworker and author of<i> When He Has More Toys Than Your Three-Year-Old Nephew </i></p>
<p dir="ltr">"<span>You'll love <i>DEVON, </i></span><span>the hot musician who's using you for free WiFi,</span><span> if you also love getting your heart broken by a guy with so many red flags he might as well be a beach with a RIPTIDE." – Brianna, best friend and author of<i> I'm Telling You This For Your Own Good NO DON'T TEXT HIM</i></span></p>
<p dir="ltr">"A THRILL RIDE that starts off SLOW AND STEADY, but ends so suddenly you'll be asking in disbelief ‘WHAT JUST HAPPENED?'" – <i>The Just Tell Me What I Did Wrong? Gazette</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">"...a REVELATION that you do indeed manage to find all the CRAZY people on OkCupid!" – <i>Ban Online Dating Quarterly</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">"If you thought dating someone in your building was a GENIUS IDEA, when you eventually break up get ready for a SUSPENSEFUL GAME OF HIDE-AND-SEEK every time you go to the laundry room!" – Ted, author of <i>It's Never a Good Idea and But I Bet You'll Do It Anyway</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">"A CHILLING TALE of Dan, the guy you hung out with every day for a month and then GHOSTED on you, STEALING YOUR HEART along with your expensive electric toothbrush." – <i>Seriously That Thing Was Like 50 Bucks Journal</i></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>"This guy IS SCORCHINGLY HOT...He's a DJ and his casually racist/sexist jokes are a DELIGHT...he's got a tattoo of the Ferrari symbol on his arm. YOU'D BE CRAZY TO PASS THIS ONE UP!" – Tracy, friend and two-time winner of a house arrest sentencing</span></p>
<p dir="ltr">"A HARROWING ACCOUNT of a blind date that started off WONDERFUL and ended abruptly when your date screamed at the waiter "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE MOZZARELLA STICKS?! WHAT KIND OF SUSHI PLACE IS THIS?!?" – <i>The That Escalated Quickly Post</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">"...It's not every day you find a guy SO TALENTED he can sneak ‘I don't own a TV' into any conversation, even those having nothing to do with TV." – Matt, ex and author of <i>I Hate Your New Boyfriend</i></p>
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<p dir="ltr"><em style="line-height: 1.44;"><a data-ref-index="0" href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a data-ref-index="1" href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild">@obviouschild</a> for what her mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</em></p>
https://www.racked.com/2015/8/4/9067905/ex-boyfriend-book-blurbsAisling Quinn2015-07-16T12:34:45-04:002015-07-16T12:34:45-04:00How Do You Know If You're a Trainwreck? A Rock-Bottom Generator
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<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>How do you know if you're a trainwreck? Or rather, how do you know if you're the one that everyone in your friend group measure themselves against, mumbling to themselves, "well at least I'm not as bad as [your name]?" You could go see Amy Schumer's <i>Trainwreck</i> this Friday, and take notes, but she's just one type of disaster area. And that's the beauty of totally failing to have your life together: there are so many different and unique ways to make a total mess of yourself!</p>
<p>Here now, we have a rock bottom generator. If anything hits a little too close to home, then congrats! You are a trainwreck! Also you have to share it on your mother-in-law's Facebook. That's the only rule.</p>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="//apps.voxmedia.com/at-preview/what-kind-of-trainwreck-are-you/javascripts/pym.js"></script>
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
new pym.Parent('what-kind-of-trainwreck-are-you__graphic', '//apps.voxmedia.com/at-preview/what-kind-of-trainwreck-are-you/', {xdomain: '.*\.voxmedia\.com'});
// --></script>
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<p><em><a href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn" data-ref-index="0">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild" data-ref-index="1">@obviouschild</a> for what her mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</em></p>
https://www.racked.com/2015/7/16/8978191/trainwreck-generatorAisling Quinn2015-07-10T12:11:49-04:002015-07-10T12:11:49-04:00How Matt Damon Consoled Ben Affleck Over Texts, Probably
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<img alt="" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/vTtDPpQJ4zGi6IcmPaomEjKD4iY=/0x190:535x591/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/46710008/imessage1.0.0.jpg" />
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<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>When Ben Affleck announced his <a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/7/1/8879937/jennifer-garner-ben-affleck-divorce-beer-crucial-update">divorce</a> to wife of ten years, Jennifer Garner, it hit harder than we all expected. So imagine how Ben felt. Then imagine how Matt Damon comforted his best friend. </p> <p> <figure class="e-image">
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<p><a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/7/10/8928549/fund-on-etsy-crowdsourcing"><i>Etsy Is Moving Into Kickstarter Territory</i></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/7/9/8913071/inside-fursuits-anthropomorphic-cosplay-costumes"><i>The Fursuit of Happiness: High Fashion in Furry Fandom</i></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/7/9/8915425/2016-presidential-election-campaign-stores-hillary-clinton-rand-paul-jeb-bush"><i>Why Hillary Clinton Wants to Sell You a Flash Tattoo</i></a></p>
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<p><a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/7/10/8922255/dumpster-diving-beauty-sales-sephora-ulta-facebook"><i>Inside the World of Dumpster-Diving Beauty Scavengers</i></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/7/9/8914967/overalls-90s"><i>Am I Too Old for Overalls?</i></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/7/8/8903687/cars-women-bmw-toyota-cadillac"><i>The Auto Industry's Play for the Female Driver</i></a></p>
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<p><em><a href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild">@obviouschild</a> for what her mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</em></p>
<p><em><br></em></p>
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<b>Racked Video:</b> <i>Behind the scenes of a dog wedding</i>
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https://www.racked.com/2015/7/10/8928247/ben-affleck-matt-damon-divorce-textAisling Quinn2015-06-05T11:33:36-04:002015-06-05T11:33:36-04:00If Wedding Websites Were Brutally Honest
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<figcaption>Solis Images/Shutterstock</figcaption>
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<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>Here are five fake wedding websites for when couples stop being cute…and start getting <em>real</em>.
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<p class="caption">Photo: Shutterstock</p>
<h2>Gary and Annie</h2>
<h4>How We Met</h4>
<p>Gary and Annie went to the same high school, but only got to know each other in college. Annie always thought Gary was kind of an idiot. Once, she saw him throw up and then continue making out with a girl at the homecoming after party at Jenny's house.</p>
<p>But when he screamed "ANNNIIIIIEEE FROM HIGH SCHOOOOL!!" at her from across the Sigma Nu mixer and threw her a Natty, she thought "what the hell." Fast forward three years, two week-long breakups due to Country Fests '12 and ‘13, one Jumbotron proposal, no other realistic prospects, and here we are.</p>
<h4>Bridal Party Info</h4>
<p>The bridesmaids have a bet going on whether or not this is a shotgun wedding. The groomsmens' only concern is that "Don't Stop Believin'" plays at the reception and that the groom gets Smirnoff Iced on the dance floor.</p>
<h4>Registry</h4>
<p>Annie and Gary are registered at Target. Gary is also secretly registered at GameStop.</p>
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<p class="caption">Photo: Shutterstock</p>
<h2>Sara y Mark</h2>
<h4>How We Met</h4>
<p>Hola y bienvenido al sitio de Sara y Mark! The couple would like you to admire their culturally adventurous wedding/appropriation fiesta! These two met while they were both studying abroad in Barcelona. Well, Mark was studying abroad. Sara was just sick of UCLA and needed some time away for herself, so she maxed out all her credit cards and went where all the other study abroad kids hung out. Mark still doesn't know.</p>
<p>Mark loved Sara's fiery personality and correct usage of the formal <i>usted</i> when she told an elderly couple to "go suck it" after they politely asked them to lower their music at 3:00am. Sara loved that Mark was too nice not to know that a lot of people lie. A lot.</p>
<h4>All About Our Wedding</h4>
<p>Sara's bachelorette party is in Madrid (her bridesmaids are SO THRILLED) and their church service will be entirely in Spanish. That should be great for both families, who are from the part of the Midwest that still categorizes mayonnaise as the primary ingredient of a salad. Dinner will be tapas, and Mark will pronounce it "Barthaylona" all night.</p>
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<p class="caption">Photo: Shutterstock</p>
<h2>LISA AND GEORGE</h2>
<h4>Meet the Couple</h4>
<p>Lisa and George, man. Lisa and George! They're just the best. They're the couple that you actually like to hang out with, even if you're single. "I've personally learned so much from you relationship" said Tricia, Lisa's work acquaintance of three weeks.</p>
<p>Lisa and George didn't even WANT a big wedding or wedding site. They wanted to get married at City Hall without all the fanfare. But their family and friends insisted, "You two deserve to celebrate your love!" You basically want to throw Lisa and George's wedding for them, but she already bought the gown. It's from a thrift store for $30 and she looks better in it than you have in anything, ever.</p>
<h4>Meet the Bridal Party</h4>
<p>Lisa and George's wedding parties are made up of Lisa's best friend and her two sisters, George's best friend and his two brothers. Both sides are destined to fall in love with their counterparts at the reception, since anything Lisa and George touch turns to gold. Their two rescue dogs, Dorothy Height and Ángel Sanz Briz, are the ring bearers. You can try, but you can't even!</p>
<h4>Registry</h4>
<p>In lieu of gifts, Lisa and George would rather you donate to the ASPCA, St. Jude's Hospital, and the Red Cross, because UGH THEY'RE SO WONDERFUL. You're going to sneak a gift in anyway ;)</p>
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<p class="caption">Photo: Shutterstock</p>
<h2>MALLORY AND CRAIG</h2>
<h4>Who's Excited for the Wedding of a Lifetime?</h4>
<p>Mallory and Craig are so happy you're going to be a part of their Baz Luhrmann-inspired wedding. Their love is cinematic and EPIC, as you can tell from the midi file of "Con te Partiro" that automatically played when you opened this site. Get ready for the party of a lifetime! No plus ones, no allergies, no children, no dresses in the white SPECTRUM.</p>
<h4>How We Met</h4>
<p>Mallory was working at Scarves ‘n Thangs when Craig wandered in looking pretty lost. He was, since he was suuuper high. He had planned on seeing "Hot Tub Time Machine 2," but he got all turned around in the huge mall. Mallory asked if she could help him and they ended up trying on a huge array of scarves together, with Craig settling on a six foot long grey wool number. The rest, they say, is history. Except Craig tweaked out pretty hard and thought the scarf was choking him, so Mallory had to talk him down for about an hour. But after that, the sparks (and scarves) were flying!</p>
<h4>Our Wedding</h4>
<p>Their wedding will be completely overblown and will leave them in heaps of debt. But who needs a down payment on a house when you can have a lucite dance floor and a band of the second string musicians from <i>The Late Late Show</i>?</p>
<h4>Registry</h4>
<p>Mallory and Craig are registered at Barneys, Nordstrom, Swarovski, and Bed Bath and Beyond.</p>
<hr>
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<img alt=" " data-mask-text="false" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/Gq0iNCzIKBRr5316xfQXMztUiiI=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3764224/studentloans.0.0.jpg">
</figure>
</div>
<p class="caption">Photo: Shutterstock</p>
<h2>JAMIE AND JAMIE</h2>
<h4>Meet the Couple</h4>
<p>Jamie and Jamie (Ha! Never gets old!) would like to invite you to their wedding. They've been together for five years. Marriage just felt like the right next step. Or at least <i>a</i> next step. Basically, this site is to let you know where they're registered.</p>
<h4>Our Engagement</h4>
<p>During a Sunday marathon of <i>Arrested Development</i>, Jamie asked "should we get married?" Jamie replied "...yeah, my summer's pretty open."</p>
<h4>Location</h4>
<p>The service will be held at St. Joseph's (ugh, PARENTS!!), and the reception will be held at the VFW hall across the street. It'll be buffet style, so come hungry (but not too hungry!) DJ Spotify will be rocking the jams all night. Attire is whatever an American Eagle formalwear line would look like.</p>
<h4>Registry</h4>
<p>You know, we don't really have a specific place–MONEY–in mind, whatever you would like to get us cough–CASH PLEASE–is enough for us. To tell you the truth, just your presence at our wedding–SOMEBODY PLEASE PAY OUR STUDENT LOANS–is gift enough.</p>
<hr>
<p><em><a href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild">@obviouschild</a> for what her Mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</em></p>
https://www.racked.com/2015/6/5/8713497/wedding-website-too-honest-crucial-updateAisling Quinn2015-05-02T09:25:51-04:002015-05-02T09:25:51-04:00If Oblivious Americans Could Name Britain's New Princess
<figure>
<img alt="Don't be fooled by the crown. This is not the actual princess. Photo: Shutterstock/SDJ " src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/W_y8srupO-k5bI61DKx6kKM4E3w=/299x0:5138x3629/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/46256170/kate-middleton-princess-baby.0.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>Don't be fooled by the crown. This is not the actual princess. Photo: Shutterstock/SDJ </figcaption>
</figure>
<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>Americans everywhere (everywhere!) are psyched that <a href="http://www.racked.com/2015/5/2/8507887/royal-baby-kate-middleton-liveblog">Britain's newest princess was born May 2 at 8:24am London time</a>. While I waited for the formal introduction, I batted around a few names that I think really encompass the country she's about to rule. Well, she'll rule after Charles. And William. Also, George. And Parliament. But anyway, there's a lot of good stuff here, Kate Middleton. Take notes.</p> <p>Princess Elizabeth the Millionth</p>
<p>Princess Khaleesi</p>
<p>Princess Penelope</p>
<p>Princess Poppins</p>
<p>Princess Pride</p>
<p>Princess Prejudice</p>
<p>Princess Huffy von Petticoat</p>
<p>Princess Button Nose</p>
<p>Princess Lily White</p>
<p>Princess Decorative Hat</p>
<p>Princess Poppy Harper Beatrice</p>
<p>Princess Curtsy</p>
<p>Princess Tiara Tea Time</p>
<p>Princess Victoria Becks</p>
<p>Princess Garage (fancy because they pronounce it "Gare-idge")</p>
<p><span>Princess Bridget Jones</span></p>
<p>Princess Chunnel</p>
<p>Princess Top Shop</p>
<p>Princess Madonna's Fake English Accent</p>
<p>Princess Tuffet</p>
<p>Princess Crumpet</p>
<p>Princess Daaaaaaisy (You're royally obligated to say it like Mrs. Patmore on Downton Abbey.)</p>
<p>Princess Fish 'n Chips</p>
<p>Princess Adele Fank You</p>
<p>Princess Notting Hill</p>
<p>Princess Ice (Because of the diamonds. All the diamonds.)</p>
<p>Princess Hogwart</p>
<p>Princess Spice (Like I always say, Princess Spice shoulda been Spice Girl the whole time.)</p>
<p><em><a href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn" data-ref-index="0" sl-processed="1">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild" data-ref-index="1" sl-processed="1">@obviouschild</a> for what her Mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</em></p>
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https://www.racked.com/2015/5/2/8534697/if-oblivious-americans-could-name-britains-new-princessAisling Quinn2015-04-17T14:37:58-04:002015-04-17T14:37:58-04:00The Art of Getting Ready: A Series of Haikus
<figure>
<img alt="Shutterstock/Vladimir Gjorgiev" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/qaUVkWTqkAl07tNPWpylkxHVp1I=/308x0:5300x3744/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/46155594/getting-ready-3-2015.0.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>Shutterstock/Vladimir Gjorgiev</figcaption>
</figure>
<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<h3>Sephora Employee Next to Me</h3>
<p>Is today the day<br>I'm brave enough to ask you<br>"can I pull this off?"</p>
<h3><span>Wingin' It with Eyeliner</span></h3>
<p><span>I start looking like</span><br><span>Brigitte Bardot, but end like</span><br><span>'90s Courtney Love.</span></p>
<h3><span>Contouring</span></h3>
<p>Look at my cheekbones!<br>I'm so good at this I should <br>Be at the Sorbonne.</p>
<h3><span>Priorities Straight</span></h3>
<p>I've made my best friend<br>Promise she'll tweeze my face if<br>I'm in a coma.</p>
<p> </p>
<h3><span>Liar</span></h3>
<p>Oh yeah, of course I <br>Wash my makeup brushes *cough*<br>Same with my bras, too.</p>
<h3>Doesn't Even Sound Like a Word</h3>
<p>Oh, how many Spanx<br>Could a Spanx girl Spanx if a<br>Spanx girl could Spanx SPANX.</p>
<h3><span>Perfect Selfie</span></h3>
<p>Hold the camera high<br>Lift up your chin. Smize. Duck face.<br>Throw phone across room.</p>
<h3>Making an Effort</h3>
<p><span>My mom says never</span><br><span>Leave the house without lipstick.</span><br><span>Guess I'm staying in.</span></p>
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<p><br><br> <em>
<p><a href="http://www.racked.com/users/Aisling%20Quinn">Aisling Quinn</a> is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild">@obviouschild</a> for what her Mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</p>
</em></p>
https://www.racked.com/2015/4/17/8416411/beauty-haikus-crucial-updateAisling Quinn2015-04-10T12:15:47-04:002015-04-10T12:15:47-04:00Dear Kanye: An Advice Column for Our Times
<figure>
<img alt="Photo: Getty Images" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/eDwmmNQs5qo6g8zi5iy8XI2i0nk=/0x30:1734x1331/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/46089330/dear-kanye.0.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>Photo: Getty Images</figcaption>
</figure>
<p class="c-entry-disclaimer"><i>Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods">The Goods by Vox</a>. You can also see what we’re up to by <a href="https://vox.com/goods-newsletter">signing up here</a>.</i></p>
<p>Kanye lives to advise, so live by Kanye's advice. </p> <p><span>Dear Kanye,</span></p>
<p>My family moved recently and now I don't know anyone at my new high school. I'm really shy and am having a hard time making new friends. I even eat my lunch in the girl's bathroom because I'm too scared to ask to sit with anyone. What should I do?</p>
<p><span>Lonely in Los Alamos</span></p>
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<p>Dear Lonely Llama,</p>
<p>Eating your food in the bathroom? Whaaaaaat? My bathroom is Carrera marble and I wouldn't eat my apple slices and peanut butter off of THAT. Stop eating your food where you poop and maybe Stacy or some shit will give you a seat.</p>
<p><span>‘Ye</span></p>
<div class="text-align-center">***</div>
<p>Dear Kanye,</p>
<p>My girlfriend says all the time that I should be honest with her if she looks good or bad in an outfit. She wears this one dress out all the time that just does not flatter her, but I don't want to tell her because I feel like she'll get mad. But I feel like she'd also be mad at me if I didn't say anything. What should I do?</p>
<p>Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't in Detroit</p>
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</figure>
</p>
<p>Dear Daaaaaaamn,</p>
<p>I feel for you, I really do. I don't think I can give you any advice on this because I am married to the perfect human body. Givenchy fits her seat like a Ferrari/ Sahhhhhry, slipped into a rhyme there/ I don't care/ If you had my girl you'd be squintin' from the glare....of her trunk. Ha ha.</p>
<p>Westest is the Bestest</p>
<div class="text-align-center"></div>
<div class="text-align-center">***</div>
<p><span>Dear Kanye</span></p>
<p>My friend and I keep debating about which album is better,<i> The White Album</i> or <i>Dark Side of the Moon</i>. What do you think?</p>
<p>Debating in Des Moines</p>
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</p>
<p>HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN?</p>
<p>YEEZUS WATCH THE THRONE MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY 808s AND HEARTBREAK GRADUATION LATE REGISTRATION COLLEGE DROPOUT KANYE WEST PS MY MOTHER HATES YOU FROM THE GRAVE FOR EVEN ASKING ME THAT <span>QUEstion shit my caps was on, my bad. Cat ran over my keyboard. That's on you </span><span>Jellybean.</span><span> </span></p>
<div class="text-align-center">***</div>
<p>Dear Kanye,</p>
<p>I'm under 5'5''. Do you think I can pull off capri pants?</p>
<p>Stumped in Seattle</p>
<p> <figure class="e-image">
<img alt=" " data-mask-text="false" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/a7fsPIOLt6V5lvjHFF-5WmkHZW4=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3589966/dear-kanye.0.jpg">
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<p>Dear Coffee Place Person,</p>
<p>LISTEN. Only person who should be able to wear capri pants is Russell Simmons. That's it. Find another pant. Sometimes dreams don't come true. Mine always do, but you're not me. You're not Picasso, Michael Jackson, Steve Jobs, Gandhi, Martha Stewart, and Lebron James all in one. You know? That's me. THAT'S ME.</p>
<p>Kanye</p>
<div class="text-align-center">***</div>
<p>Dear Kanye,</p>
<p>My mother is on life support and has been for some time. My father wants to keep her on a respirator, but I had many discussions with my mother prior to this where she said she would never want to be kept alive artificially. I know my father loves my mother dearly and doesn't want to let her go, but I don't think we're respecting her wishes. What should I do?</p>
<p>Wondering in Wisconsin</p>
<p> <figure class="e-image">
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</figure>
</p>
<p>Dear Wondering,</p>
<p>North wants to answer this one and, as a father of a genius, you know I have to foster that. So go on, drop some knowledge, Nori:</p>
<p><span>csJSFHVS,;anldvdsnodidvsm;a;;ETV</span><span> </span><span>222Iaszb;LDEAFMCYAbsjdvea;'[;s'['ppjhw;' R RAWH;;hf;usagc</span></p>
<p><span></span><span>Feel blessed, Wondering. It's like you just got advice from a small </span><span>Jesus.</span></p>
<p>Kanye and North</p>
<div class="text-align-center">***</div>
<p>Dear Kanye,</p>
<p><span>I've always wondered: What's your favorite animal?</span></p>
<p>Kelsey in Kentucky</p>
<p> <figure class="e-image">
<img alt=" " data-mask-text="false" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/a7fsPIOLt6V5lvjHFF-5WmkHZW4=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3589966/dear-kanye.0.jpg">
</figure>
</p>
<p>Dear Kelsey,</p>
<p>Lions tiger bears. EAGLES. Penguins. I mean, you think about it and penguins are the best dressed animals. Classic black-and-white. Crisp. Yeah. Penguins. I mean yeah I know, I know, peacocks too. I KNEW THAT but penguins. That's it. Stop getting in my face Kelsey damn.</p>
<p>Kanye</p>
<p><i>Aisling Quinn is a writer and actress who frequents the glamorous bus route between Boston and New York City. Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/obviouschild">@obviouschild</a> for what her Mom raves are "jokes I don't get."</i></p>
https://www.racked.com/2015/4/10/8380391/kanye-west-advice-column-crucial-updateAisling Quinn