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The Bizarre Poetry of ASOS Product Descriptions

They’re honestly kind of moving?

Keep That Pearl Barf Off My Clothes

It’s a thing, and I hate it.

Hey Brands, Cool It With the Punny Names

Can you get through this piece without groaning to death?

Danielle Brooks and Universal Standard Launch a Three-Piece Collection

It includes tailored overalls, an asymmetrical shirtdress, and a multi-way sweater dress.

Earrings That’ll Have People Asking, “Hey, Do You Teach Art to Kids?”

25 pairs, to be exact.

Meet the Designer Making the Best Plus-Size Leather Jackets

Sizes go up to 28.

Amazing Jeans Can't Solve All Your Problems but Buying These Won't Hurt

They gave me my perfect jeans *moment.*

These F21 Faux Fur Jackets Are So Effing Cool

Not to mention size-inclusive and super affordable.

Feminist T-Shirts That Are Just Slightly Off

The Future Is a Female (???)

Finally, the Colorful, Sculptural Coat That Plus-Size Girls Deserve

It’s the anti-Typical Plus Coat.