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Crucial Update

A Very Real Encounter in Katy Perry's New Game

Katy Perry Pop
Katy Perry Pop
Katy Perry, Instagram

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Kids these days. They're too obsessed with their damn phones: texting, sexting, frexting (texting friends), chexting (texting cheese). Well, concerned baby boomer parent, their addiction is about to step up a whole lot more. Pop star and serial cultural appropriator, Katy Perry announced that she is developing a mobile game with the famed Left Shark à la Kim K, Demi L, and Nikki M.

Katy Perry Pop's sugary sweet and colorful kawaii rainbow paradise will allegedly assist in guiding your musical dreams, which seems like a fair reward in exchange for spending thousands of dollars on in-app purchases. You get what you pay for!

Racked has obtained a 100 percent legitimate and not-at-all made up leaked script of the game depicting an encounter between your avatar and Perry. The scene is set outside the VMAs (Vydyo Myusik Auwardz — there were some copyright issues), and Perry is going to perform tonight, but there's something special in it for you.

Perry: Hey gurl, nice of you to come out to California!

You: Yeah, s'cool.

Perry: I'm so excited to perform at the VMAs! When I'm on stage tonight I'll be thinking of you!

[Canned laughter]

You: Thanks, I guess.

Perry: It's a good thing you didn't wake up in Vegas!

You: No, I came here, didn't I? Jeez.

Perry: Oh wow! There's Jennyfar Anystan! You must be pretty starstrukk!

You: Katy, I get it.

Perry: Well, quit being a mannequin and have some fun!

You: I'll try.

Perry: Hey, how about you come roar on stage with me tonight?

You: I don't know.

Perry: Come on! This is how we do!

You and Katy Perry blow the crowds away with your questionable interpretation of a Native American dance and you live happily ever after.