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Behind every star is a mound of support, and Beyoncé didn't get to be the global record-breaking phenomenon that she is today without the assistance of a father-slash-manager-slash-biographer of autobiographies, Mathew Knowles. Oh, except she had to fire him in 2011 because he allegedly stole money from her.
Recovering from the lack of managerial fees that Beyoncé's ever-expanding success would have afforded him, Mathew hosts a one day boot camp teaching young hopefuls how to emulate Beyoncé's very accessible trip to fame. The next is on October 24 in Houston, TMZ reports. The only catch is this course is $199. Or for a cool $299, you can have a private dinner and meet and greet with the Bey Daddy himself. That's a lot of money for something that's not exactly a guaranteed success.
Luckily, there are ways to achieve astronomic levels of fame that don't involve a trip to Texas. Here are a handful of exclusive tips and tricks for being the next Beyoncé for FREE. It's a one time only deal.
1. Beyoncé's first solo Grammy wins were triumphant, but didn't come without their own essential sacrifices. See those people in your group iMessage? Some of these people are holding you back. They are your Kellys and Michelles. Fire them. Send them a text — sans context — saying "I'm firing you." If they ask why, respond with one of the emojis from the sixth emoji tab, and rake in those Grammys the following year. It's for the best.
2. As we know from Beyoncé's weight loss in preparation for her role in Dreamgirls, lemons are a key element of Beyoncé's daily routine. She likes to uphold the ties she established with this fruit, whether it's singing to them, putting them to bed after Blue Ivy, replacing her usual salad vinaigrette with them, etc. Make sure you give lemons the love they deserve, and they will give you a zesty return on life and a Bey-level bod.
3. Beyoncé's vegan lifestyle extends beyond soy milk and gentrified Meals on Wheels; Queen B drinks from the fountain of youth, a.k.a. New York City tap water, daily. It turns out this ancient practice is commonly used by the Knowles-Carter clan as a cathartic process to cleanse their toxins.
4. Buy an iPhone and throw it in the trash every five minutes, this way you can accustom yourself to Bey's lavish spending habits. You might be confused as to why we're encouraging you to spend more money on this than Knowles' course, but this little-known method actually renders a return on investment. "How?" you might ask. Well, that's up to you to find out.