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The Golden Globes, usually a fun, drunk romp through a year in television and movies, was a sobering show this year. Host Ricky Gervais captured the general feeling with the words "Kill me" sometime in the second hour. Denzel Washington said it with his face.
Even the surprising winners were boring in a way. See the full list here, but The Revenant inexplicably won, for example, nudging out critical favorites Spotlight and Carol for Best Motion Picture, Drama. The Martian won best comedy over actual comedies like Trainwreck and Spy, which itself is hilarious. The only moments of genuine fun occurred during heartfelt speeches from newcomer Rachel Bloom for her lead role on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, underdog Gael García Bernal for his work in Mozart in the Jungle, and, of course, Taraji P. Henson for being Taraji P. Henson (more on that below). Everyone else just seemed kind of tired.
Still, it wasn't all dour faces and slogging speeches. There were moments of realness, of cuteness, and of hilarity. See them all below.
America Ferrera and Eva Longoria had the best joke of the night, reminding the world that they are not Gina Rodriguez and Eva Mendes, respectively.
Denzel Washington collected the Cecil B. DeMille Award for a lifetime of achievement with the help of his whole family, including his wife Pauletta. He didn't say much because he forgot his glasses, but it did lead to a conversation with Pauletta that's also currently happening in living rooms across America, i.e. "Hon, you need your glasses," etc.
These two beautiful humans, Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt, shared air.
In the great tradition of Amy Poehler's nominee intro bits, Aziz Ansari went very elaborate. However, Jeffrey Tambor also lost to Gael García Bernal for Best Actor in a TV Series, so the joke never fully landed.
Taraji P. Henson passed out her character's namesake — cookies — after winning for her role on Empire. The speech that followed was the shot of energy the show needed.
Lady Gaga won Best Actress in a Miniseries, for which she gave a heartfelt speech, admitting she wanted to be an actress before a singer, but "music worked out first." Before she got to the stage, however, she knocked Leonardo DiCaprio's arm off his chair while he was goofing, inspiring the best example of surprised side-eye caught on film to date. Was it intentional? We can only hope.
That's about it! At least the gowns were pretty this year, and if nothing else, we can always just remember the 2016 Globes as Andy Samberg imagined them: Perfectly.